Wednesday, February 4, 2009

A Formal Retraction

As some of you might know I was a bit enthusiastic when I first discovered Webkinz World. Now, on the advice of my lawyers, I wish to post a formal retraction to my earlier post. I was wrong to espouse the use of a children's game for adults.

Dear Mrs. ______,

We are writing to inform you that your Webkinz account is on probation status pending review of your case. I have outlined our major concerns below:

While your superior computer hacking skills are commendable, we don't condone the changes you made to the standard phrases and words in KinzChat. The other members playing games in the club house and tournament areas are presumably small children, and therefore "Suck it!" or "You're going down!" are not appropriate exclamations upon winning at bowling.

We've also been meaning to talk to you about the way Pinky has been dressing. Our programmers did not add a bikini or diamond encrusted necklace to the W Shop and we need it removed immediately (although you may leave the zebra-striped fly shoes with dice tank). Please be advised that Pinky needs to be dressed appropriately in the future.

Somehow you've accrued 1,650,000 Kinzcash in your account, and in response to your repeated queries, no, you cannot "withdraw" Kinzcash for use in any kind of real world context. We don't know how you were able to amass this much, but our programmers are taking a closer look at your use of the "Wheel of Wow." 

We are unable to track Pearl's whereabouts in Webkinz world, but have had complaints from some of our younger clients about "a bad, bad horsie in a leopard hat" who took all their Kinzcash.

We will not elaborate on last week's incident in the Clubhouse, but we feel it necessary to restate that alcohol, cigarettes and firearms are strictly forbidden in Webkinz world.

Signed,

I. P. Freeley,
WebKinz Corporate Headquarters

Blicky's Mandatory Fun:


Conor Oberst, Vancouver
The studio version is below in my iLike playlist.

10 comments:

Debby said...

Did you ask this corporate exec how much webkinz cash he received in bonuses last year? Blicky's superior investigative skills are called for here. We expect to see a stunning expose of yet another example of corporate greed and excess. He probably has a dolly on the side, a whole secret life. What does his web 'crib' look like? Huh? Huh? Inquiring minds want to know.

Ann's Rants said...

I was wondering who A5 had been having his webkinz-trysts with...

Carole said...

OK TOO FUNNY But i have to admit I am a WEBKINZ MOM! LOL So when i saw the pics you have of thier screens WOW that is very cool! Send me some Kinz$$ YO!

LOL
carole
xoxo

here via NE Bloggers

Jeanne said...

I only know of webkinz through my niece, who got one before she could read well enough to play by herself. It frightens me -- blogging is enough of a time-suck (I mean that in a good way).

The Self-Deprechaun said...

This is so funny. You are so rich!

And you ended it so well with Conor!

Look at you Blicky, we are kindred spirits. I love his stuff!

Poetikat said...

I don't know what to say. No, really. I don't know what to say.

Kat

MuseSwings said...

Is the corporate exec - by any chance - running a Ponzie scheme? You might suggest that your accrued buckaroos are merely interest from your investments. Bottom line though, learn to play well with the children and quit trying to teach them how to play Webcraps. No dice.

Yaya said...

Hahaha! You crack me up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am happy to say I have gotten over my webkinz addiction! Now I just worry my webkinz are still alive!

Blicky Kitty said...

Haha luckily I don't think Webkinz is requesting a bailout Debby...at least not yet!

I'm sorry if I've been leading other furry avatars astray Ann...nasty habit.

Carole, you'll have to friend me on Webkinz. We can play games in the Clubhoouse. I just have to warn you that you're goin down though! :)

Jeanne it's a time suck but one that makes you rich rich rich (although the repair place at the Toyota dealership apparently won't accept Kinzcash).

Isn't he amazing SD? I just love him.

@Kat hehe

Cynthia: Don't worry I'm a changed furry animal-like avatar person. I'll be a good Kinz citizen from now on...

Yaya if they're dead can I have your Kinzcash? My Webkinz assets have been frozen...

Aoi said...

Great stuff. When will BK hack Second Life?