A Formal Retraction

As some of you might know I was a bit enthusiastic when I first discovered Webkinz World. Now, on the advice of my lawyers, I wish to post a formal retraction to my earlier post. I was wrong to espouse the use of a children's game for adults.

Dear Mrs. ______,

We are writing to inform you that your Webkinz account is on probation status pending review of your case. I have outlined our major concerns below:

While your superior computer hacking skills are commendable, we don't condone the changes you made to the standard phrases and words in KinzChat. The other members playing games in the club house and tournament areas are presumably small children, and therefore "Suck it!" or "You're going down!" are not appropriate exclamations upon winning at bowling.

We've also been meaning to talk to you about the way Pinky has been dressing. Our programmers did not add a bikini or diamond encrusted necklace to the W Shop and we need it removed immediately (although you may leave the zebra-striped fly shoes with dice tank). Please be advised that Pinky needs to be dressed appropriately in the future.

Somehow you've accrued 1,650,000 Kinzcash in your account, and in response to your repeated queries, no, you cannot "withdraw" Kinzcash for use in any kind of real world context. We don't know how you were able to amass this much, but our programmers are taking a closer look at your use of the "Wheel of Wow." 

We are unable to track Pearl's whereabouts in Webkinz world, but have had complaints from some of our younger clients about "a bad, bad horsie in a leopard hat" who took all their Kinzcash.

We will not elaborate on last week's incident in the Clubhouse, but we feel it necessary to restate that alcohol, cigarettes and firearms are strictly forbidden in Webkinz world.

Signed,

I. P. Freeley,

WebKinz Corporate Headquarters

Blicky's Mandatory Fun:

Conor Oberst, Vancouver
The studio version is below in my iLike playlist.