Titian and Those Other Guys at the MFA Boston

I wasn't sure how much to expect from our clowder of kittens and their friends as we made our way through the rain (I bet nobody has noticed how much it has been raining in New England. I might be led to believe I was living in Seattle, but the coffee is still bad, the live music overpriced and the footwear is stylish) and into the restored Huntington entrance of the MFA Boston for the Titian, Tintoretto, Veronese: Rivals in Renaissance Venice show. The titters about bum cracks from the 6-8 year old group was taken up in exuberant chorus by the 4-and-under set. I won't bore you with the details, but my nightmare scenario involved a disarmingly handsome officer from the Italian questura, a brightly lit room, a glowering agent from some prestigious international insurance institution, my cackling 3-year-old and a priceless broken masterpiece.

But seriously, if you live within 3 hours of Boston, try to see this show sometime during the next two weeks. It's up until August 16th, when it travels to the Louvre. As all the reviewers point out, given the costs required by the aforementioned prestigious international insurance institutions, it is highly unlikely that we will have an opportunity to see such an amazing collection of painting anytime in the near future. The only thing is, if Blicky Kitty had actually gotten that curatorship he applied for years ago, the exhibit would have been a distinctly different experience. For one, it would've been called Titian, the Other Guy, and Whosey-Whatsit; How Titian Rocked my Renaissance World.

Blicky also wouldn't have framed the interplay and visual conversations between the three artists in quite the same way. The reviewers practically make it sound like a horserace:

"Veronese is in the lead by a stretch with his depiction of the Holy Family, now it's Tintoretto coming up from the right with his Suzanna and the Elders, and wait now here comes Titian out of nowhere with a Reclining Venus. The crowd goes nuts. There's chiaroscuro everywhere and you almost can't make it out..... but yes, it's Titian, folks, winning the race by half a length."

Don't get me wrong. The interplay between artists is fascinating to see, but the true joy of this show is the opportunity to see really amazing art close up. When you stand next to a Titian, you get to experience the style that created a tidal shift in the way artists in the Western world used paint. He was the first one to use color and the depiction of light rather than line to delineate form. As his style became more mature and confident, his brushwork became a vehicle for the expression of energy and emotion. He also revolutionized the use of oil paint and glazing with his slow, exacting method of applying layer upon layer to his canvases. He painted over a reddish ground layer to lend warmth to his color then built up the paint. His subtle use of glazes (called velatura or veiling) brought out the richness of the different pigments. Titian was said to have cried "Trenta, quaranta velature!" ("Thirty, forty glazes!").

It's no small feat that Titian gained a mention in Giorgio Vasari's Lives of the Artists. Vasari chronicled all of the great Italian Renaissance artists from Cimabue to Vasari. This book is such an important source for art historians that I'm not really even sure how famous a certain little painting in the Louvre would be (or Dan Brown, for that matter -- his wife's an art historian so she'd totally back me up) if Vasari hadn't rhapsodized about its enigmatic beauty. Vasari's book traced all of the artists and their work, evaluating them for how high they ranked on the Tusca-meter. If they were Tuscan enough, they got his highest praise; garbatissimo, which translates roughly as elegant, gentile or wicked-Tuscan-ie. Of course, Michelangelo who like Vasari was born in Tuscany was the pinnacle of all things artistic.

So it's quite a feat that Titian, who had the double misfortune of not being born in that birthplace of the arts and of beating Vasari out on a big commission even made the lineup. Of course Vasari's praise was measured. Some people mentioned in the Lives thought Titian's painting would have been improved if he were to study more works from antiquity or the work of Michelangelo. Vasari even wrote that Michelangelo (the object of his total man crush), after praising the painting of Danae (above) lamented that in Venice they didn't learn how to draw well first. He quoted him as saying that if Titian were assisted by art as he is by nature, especially in the imitation of life, it would not be possible to surpass him, for he has the finest talent and a very pleasant, vivacious manner. So does that mean if he had been Tuscan, he would have been the greatest artist in the book?

Well, the good news is that I'm not in some sexy Italian jail cell, being interrogated mercilessly. The kittens actually loved the show. Elder kitten was delighted to figure out that the shell in the hand of one figure identified her as Venus. Destruction-prone younger kitten kept herself entertained for a while by admiring the pretty dresses or the animals in the foreground of the Last Supper paintings. But mostly she just delighted in calling out various body parts of each nude figure in a really, really loud voice.

Ecco qui il vostro Mandatory Fun:

Heeeere's Blicky!

Wow that's scary. Sorry and my apologies to Jack Nicholson. Let me salve your nerves with an image from MFA Boston's show Titian, Tintoretto, Veronese; Rivals in Renaissance Venice.

There, that's better. Even Venus looks frightened. Blicky scared her so much her clothes fell off. My apologies for the extended silence, gentle bloggy readers. I was really quite busy:

A. Translating the phonebook into Esperanto.

B. Building a love nest/covert missile testing range for Kim Jong-Il.

C. Building a cool pillow fort in the living room.

D. Starting a new business enterprise in the burgeoning field of door-to-door interpretive dance.

E. Altering my address and facial feastures to avoid being stalked by Mitt Romney (I told you. It could never work. Stop calling me!).

F. All of the above.

So I try to make good use of my limited reading time these days, really I do. Usually it's historical non-fiction or really amazing fiction. I mean life is short, why not fill your mind with beautiful words?

But this summer a friend convinced me to read the Twilight series. First of all thanks a lot. You know who you are. Here's an excerpt of dialogue from the Blicky homestead while I was sucked into that series.

Kittens: Mumma we're hungry. You forgot to feed us breakfast and lunch.

Me: Shhhh, Bella's talking to Edward.

Kittens: Mumma, you left us outside in the rain. We're cold and wet.

Me: Be quiet! I think he's going to tell her.

Husband: Hi Sweetie! I'm home. I vacuumed the house and I love you.

Me: Go away, you not-Edward-Cullan-mortal man. I want a divorce because you're not Edward.

Cigarettes have warning labels, alcohol has warning labels. I think the publisher should be required to place a warning label on the Twilight books too. They are the literary equivalent of crack cocaine and something needs to be done.

I was initially ashamed of my habit until I remembered a very brilliant and well-read friend scoffing as the idea of a distinction between "high art" and the trashy read. What makes the distinction? I read some Chaucer's Canterbury Tales to the kittens a while back because I remember thinking it was hysterically funny when I was little. Here's a spoiler plot summary of the Miller's Tale:

Young guy moves into an apartment at the home of an unpleasant man with a hot younger wife. Young clerk woos and seduces said wife. Nerdy guy also gets wicked crush on the hot wife. The wife and the young man hatch a plan to spend the whole night together. They convince the jealous old guy that a second deluge is coming and that he should get set up in the attic for a great flood. Clever couple enjoys some amorous sport. Lovesick nerd comes by and begs for a kiss. Hot wife sticks bum out the window. Lovesick nerd, after kissing bum is no longer lovesick, but ticked off. Stalks off to find a hot poker. Clever young clerk thinks nerd wants another kiss and received a sound branding on his bum. Clever young guy has hot young wife but sore bum. Jealous old guy wakes up thinking it's the end of the world and falls two stories. The young couple convince everyone he's nutty and live happily (albeit sorely) ever after.

So is it really so awful that I got sucked into a romance about vampires, power, love and death and metaphysics?

Enjoy your mandatory fun:

A Letter to the Second-Grade Class in Room 28

Dear Children,

I had a wonderful time volunteering in your class today and playing math games. I've heard about each one of you from my daughter of course, so it was fun to finally meet you in person.

I just wanted to pass along a few observations that you might find valuable as you embark upon your educational careers. First off all C.J. ― Dude! Who cheats at Bingo? Next time I tell you to hand me the bingo number balls it doesn't mean "Drop to the floor and make me pry them out of your hands while you giggle like a little girl."

Jackson, you were so helpful and nice today and I know I'm totally rocking age 40 but sweetie, I'm already married to a nice man my own age. Oh, and spit balls on your Bingo board does not a Bingo make.

Kids, I'm also going to clue you in on something important. When you're walking down the hall and your teacher says in a grave and reverent tone, "Listen. Think about where you are. This is the Third Grade Corridor. And these Teachers are going to be your Teachers next year in the Third Grade. Do you really want them to hear you being noisy?" OK C.J. I don't know, but I'm guessing you might not have to worry about the third grade for a little while. But for the rest of you kids listen up:

The third grade teachers do not hide behind the doors, peek out and make notes about which second graders are the noisy ones and plan horrible fates for them.

In fact, a lot of us grown ups don't really care if you talk too much or act like kids. I know your teachers hate it, but hell, you guys are funny! They need to lighten up. Also we don't really care all that much how you do in school. You know when you go to the dentist they always think you should spend the whole day brushing your teeth and you go to the hairdresser and they're all "Come on, deep-condition your hair." And you go to the doctors are they're all, "You should cut down on doing crack and eating lead paint." Well teachers are the same way and they make your mommies and daddies feel bad if you're acting like kids instead of kissing up (and yes you know who I'm talking about, Little Jenny. No one likes a kiss-up).

When you're a grown up you won't remember a single thing about how you did in second grade, except you'll remember which teachers really didn't like kids all that much. You know deep down, most of us grown ups don't really even care too much where you go to school as long as you're trying your hardest, you continue learning and being curious and you're happy doing what you do. Looking back on second grade you won't think, "Crap, I should've performed better on those standardized tests, thereby helping my school system acquire better state funding." OK, you might have the occasional dream about a test you didn't study for or coming to school naked (especially you, Jackson). But probably you'll think "Wow, I wish I had gotten the chance to run through the halls and jump to see how high I could reach on the bulletin boards."

I'll try and work on the teachers, but for next time guys, let's keep the Bingo game on the up and up.

Oh, and Michael honey? I think we as a species would have been born with only two fingers if they were meant to spend so much time inserted into our nostrils.

Sincerely,

Mrs. __________

You Make Me Dizzy Miss Lizzy

Blicky Kitty has been asked to create a playlist for Queen Elizabeth's new iPod that Obama gave her. She'll be shaking her tweed-clad self in no time with our lineup:

Fake Empire by The National

Safe European Home by the Clash

Sexy Little Girl Princess by Lisa Germano

Radio Gaga by Queen 

London Calling by the Clash

Banquet by Bloc Party

North American Scum by LCD Soundsystem

Wear Clean Drawers by the Coup

You're Aging Well by Dar Williams

Royal Pain by the Eels

Killer Parties by The Hold Steady

Daft Punk is Playing at My House by LCD Soundsystem

OK well maybe I'm just overtired so I just scrolled down through the titles in iTunes I thought she'd enjoy. Feel free to add your own...

L'Etat C'est Blick

Paul Cézanne, Mount Sainte-Victoire

Mount Ste-Victoire, April, 1999

In honor of the French Spa Getaway at Muse Swings we're celebrating all things French today! The South of France is an ancient Gallic marvel of Papal Palaces,  which produced minds like St. Exupery and Cézanne, plus there is killer rock climbing around Mount Sainte-Victoire. As you wander around the rocky terrain it's like walking into a Cézanne canvas with the darkly defined linear structure of the trees, growing as if they've been slathered with daubs of black ochre paint. The quality of greens that you can see on the landscape seem to change with each variation in light. The lenticular clouds float untouched by the mistral winds and scatter moody colors across farm buildings and woodlands. This unique landscape had as profound an effect on the development of early modern painting at anything hanging in far off Paris at the Musée d'Orsay or the Musée de l'Orangerie.

I'm sending Blicky over for a spa getaway while I clean the house and get ready for an afternoon playdate. He assures me that his French is impeccable. It's so weird, Blicky Kitty is HUGE in France. I know, who would've thunk it? The paparazzi and mainstream press are following him into his spa treatments. He emailed me the transcript of an interview he did.

French Reporter: Blicky Kitty, what do you think of France so far?

BK: Sur le pont d'Avignon, L'on y danse, l'on y danse, Sur le pont d'Avignon, L'on y danse tout en rond.

FR: Um, yes that's a 15th century folk song about the Pont d'Avignon. It's OK, I speak English. Tell me, how are you enjoying your spa day?

BK: L'Etat c'est moi. Pomme frittes. Je voudrais un chocolat chaud; grand avec du lait de soya, pas de creme. Quelle heure est-il?

FR: Blicky Kitty, that doesn't make any sense. Could you please speak in English? Can you tell me anything of value that I can pass along to my readers?

BK. Voici mon secret. Il est très simple: on ne voit bien qu'avec le cœur. L'essentiel est invisible pour les yeux.

FR: Ah merci bien alors Monsieur Kitty!

Et voici votre amusement obligatoire:

Report: What I Did on My Spring Vacation

Well it was school vacation week in MA. We spent a wonderful week. See if you can spot the things we did not do during the vacation:

A. Spend the afternoon plein air painting in the gardens of Blythewald, in Bristol, RI.

B. Learn the fine, yet messy art of taxidermy at a special children's seminar offered by our local children's museum.

C. Construct an elaborate full scale educational diorama about child labor conditions in the 1920's.

D. Take in the sights at the new (to me) MoMA.

E. Dress my children up as 16-year-olds and hunt for 1920's-esque factory jobs with poor conditions and long hours.

F. Get to hear my three year old publicly utter the words: "Look Mumma, I found another Rothko!"

G. Enroll aforementioned 3 yr. old in rodeo clown school.

H. Get to hear my three year old publicly utter the words: "Look Mumma I'm a frog that poops!" as she hopped precariously close to the (gristly) Woman With Her Throat Cut sculpture by Giacometti.

I. Shop for Manolo Blahniks with the money earned from 1920's-esque children's factory jobs.

J. Enter 8 yr. old in the Jon Benet junior bathing beauty pageant.

K. Get to see Spring Awakening (w/out kids) in Providence.

L. Go for a beautiful nature walk with May-May in South County, RI.

Any cool images seen on BK are derived from talented relatives.

Any cool images seen on BK are derived from talented relatives.

Answers: Activities B, C, E, G, I and J did not actually take place on this vacation. I am not ruling anything out for future sojourns however.

OK I brought home a little mandatory fun for you. Just to let you know I am one of those rare people who just does not like musicals. But Blicky is declaring Spring Awakening fan-flippin-tastic:

Wacky Packages for a New Era

For some time, I've been aspiring to create a Wacky Packages line for our new era, but no sooner had I created this, Blicky decided to buy the rights and create an actual toy product for girls. He thinks these things will sell even better than another product of a different name...

He feels that until now, little girls had no idea what to tell their plastic surgeons when they grew up so this is actually a public service. He also feels that he's helping society by teaching little girls that the of the color of your skin doesn't matter; they can all aspire to sluttiness. He hired a bunch of models to promote the new line. They even agreed to have their noses surgically removed and their lips enhanced with permanent shellac. One of the unfortunate side effects from the procedures is that their feet now fall off, but luckily they are a cheerful bunch.