Sunday, January 4, 2009

Time Capsule Missive to Future Self: Do Not Open Until January 25 2009, circa 8:00pm

Dear Me,

PUT-THAT-COOKIE-DOWN!!

Yeah, don't look around the room because nobody told me. I just know you so well. You're thinking: 

Just one. I've been so healthy since New Year's Day and I've been running a ton and they're made with whole wheat flour, so chewy and yummy... 

But listen, I have great plans for you. You're signed up for that 10 mile road race in February and you want to be in the best possible --

EH-EH-EH-EH-DOWN!!! THE COOKIE -- DOWN!!

That's better. I know, now you're frowning and your eyes have narrowed into little slits and you're thinking: 
She is so mean. That half-crazed perfectionist must be cuckoo for cocoa puffs if she thinks I'm sticking to this perfect nutrition / no treats / exercise until you're shaking New Year's "plan." Why didn't she just stay with our old standbys; the easy ones to check off the list? No kidney trafficking! No setting the fingernail record in the Guinness Book! No learning Mandarin -- that sort of thing! Those are beautiful resolutions that you can mark off with nice big checks. 

I won't hear it. The world, or at least large swathes of protestant New England run, nay thrive on guilt. Guilt is your friend, and I for one am truly disappointed in you.

AP-BA-BA-BA-BAH! DOWN!!

Oh come on! You're doing so well. Just stick it out and I promise I won't make next year's resolution running a marathon. There you go. I knew you'd see it my way.

Love (I guess),
You

17 comments:

Momma Chae said...

:) This is great... maybe I should put this on my fridge.

Yaya said...

Lol! the 'easy' ones....no learning mandarin! Hilarious!

Jeanne said...

Went to the gym this morning and the parking lot was packed with the New Year's resolution crowd. Can't wait till February, when most of them will be gone and we regulars will have the gym to ourselves again. (I'm not disciplined. I just have a high tolerance for routine.)

Good luck with cookie thing -- you're a better woman than I am -- I've already given up on the diet!

Poetikat said...

There you go again - doing that Virginia Wolfe-thing. I'm going full tilt for the easy ones (see my "antithetical resolutions" list.

By the by, I've narrowed it down to 3 blogs, and you're one of them! Come and see.

Kat

Poetikat said...

I have this real problem with closing parentheses for some reason.

Kat

Debby said...

Can't you just bitch-slap your conscience? Shut her up until the cookies are gone? Just curious. My conscience knows better than to try to pull this sort of thing on me. It sticks to the easy stuff like 'thou shalt not steal' and 'thou shalt not commit adultry'. We're in agreement on that sort of thing. My conscience does not wander around in potential controversial areas. My conscience is running for office next election.

willow said...

All the leftover cookies are in the freezer and I am officially on my skinny regime. Oy.

MuseSwings said...

I'm sitting here eating a cookie as I read this. Sorry. Best of luck with your martyr...I mean resolution.

The Self-Deprechaun said...

I have already given in and have broken my resolutions. I am just so seductive, convincing and overall sexy. The temptation is too strong and I suffer from severe narcissism. Love me!

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steviewren said...

Your resolve is strong grasshopper. Confucius say "woman who deprives self run faster...but make sure she not running towards the bakery.

Blicky Kitty said...

Jeanne: Same deal at our gym. It makes me happy though because I stay mor motivated. :)

Kat, Cyntthia & Deb: I'm actually fonder of the easy ones. I forgot to put no more arms dealing in the new year. And, rigght back atcha Kat. I like Cynthia's approach best. :)

StevieWren: I love that image because I have actually been caught running home with yummy food. :)

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