Saturday, March 14, 2009

Look Something Shiny!

Well I was happily and morosely nursing a long bout of ague, just minding my own business and being treated with large doses of calomel and a lovely chloride of mercury with cathartic properties, when in burst that impertinent waif, Lil Cindi. I knew she was up to no good the second I laid eyes on her. "Have her removed" I managed to breath to my physician, "she's trouble." He responded my giving me an extra large dose of laudinum, which come to think of it is his response for everything.
"She's not even sick, doc, look she's just squinting to see what we're talking about. Make her come back to bloggyland and ride on the choo choo."
Thanks a lot Cindi, I had breakfasts in bed and now I'm back to cleaning the house again. This evening I was even expected to cook again.


So since I'm back, I thought I'd tell you about an invaluable phrase I've learned from my sister-in-law which indispensable for those difficult conversations you'd rather not have. I give you; Look, Something Shiny! 

As highly evolved as we might think we are as a society we seldom have the strength to resist the siren call of the shiny, sparkly object. All you have to do when the conversation heads in a direction that you'd rather it not is point right behind them and say it, then just sit back and enjoy the magic. Here are some everyday conversational uses to get you started out:

Ma'am you can't park here. There's already a car in that spot!
Look, something shiny!

Is that your child over there teaching the whole playgroup how to say "damn"?
Oh look! Something shiny!

Ma'am, you do know that private kidney harvesting is illegal and dangerous.
Knock Knock. Oh who's there you ask? Something shiny!

Oh, nice to meet you both. I knew your wife back in boarding school. Boy was she....
What does Kojak's head and that big thing right behind you have in common? They're both shiny!

Ma'am you do understand that this Flight of the Conchords tattoo on your lower back is permanent and can't be removed right?
Oooooooh. So shiny.

Ma'am we have a small catlike individual down at the station claiming to be a feline weapons contracter / budding rap artist and he said he belongs to you. We picked him up after he drove through a church bazaar in a hummer.


MuseSwings said...

Blick is Back! Bwahahahaha! Your post is very shiny - I can see the laudanum at work here. Sorry about having to make dinner and all, but I know fakery when I see it, and anyway those lavender pillows need fluffing and airing after your long lay in. Your impudent friend, Li'l Cindi

CDB said...

Awesome (: I'm always after the new and shiny object. My very (very) first blog post referenced this! Parfait!

Welcome back!

You can fake feeling 'ill' just before dinner, but 'sitting at the laptop' feels just fine. Works!

Jeanne said...

About time you stopped malingering and got back to entertaining us!

What? You object to the term "malingering?" Look! Something shiny!

Ragamuffin Gal said...

I love to read your comments almost as much as your posts! Glad you are back!

Debby said...

Blicky, dear, repeat after me...'relapse'. It's easy. Reeeeeelapse. Now go lie down.

Poetikat said...

That laudanum must have had you hallucinating something awful, Blicky.
Around here, "Look, something shiny!" means "Hands off! I saw that quarter, nickel, penny on the ground first!" Tough times. Tough times.


Anonymous said...

Bahahaha :)

Lavinia said...

That L'il cindi is always up to no good! Oh, the impudence!