Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Do the Dog, Not the Donkey...

It's more than just a killer Specials song, 

I really, really, really want a dog. 

I know what you're thinking, "Yeah, you just want one to eat your cat." True, true. But I also just miss having a dog. In today's era of central heating we really don't need to gather around a hearth anymore. But when you have a dog, there's a real sense of loving warmth that a family can gather around. The kids get to fight over who the dog loves more. "Just look at the way she looks at me. She secretly doesn't like you at all and just wags her tail to be polite."

The question becomes, where to get my dog? What kind of dog will I have? I do cherish a fantasy of having the Beautiful-Dog. You know the ones; custom dyed to match the L.L. Bean dog bed and your Volvo station wagon. My dream Beautiful-Dog would be a Rhodesian Ridgeback. But then there's this to consider:

Yup, those Beautiful-Dogs have more birth defects than the Hapsburgs. Prognathic jaw, hip dyplasia, tendency to try to rule the Holy Roman Empire ("Bad dog! Your heavy taxation to support costly wars will erode your support among the Castillians.")... all worrisome signs that those Beautiful-Dogs have been mixing it up with the cousins if you know what I mean. I have to ask myself, do I really want to contribute to the overbreeding? Do I want a commodity or a family member?
So what's left? I am down with having a mutt, but the local shelters are pit bull-o-ramas. I think New England is just where they get sent, like a maximum security prison for all the most hardened criminals. The people at the shelters don't like to talk about it, but I'm sure those pit bulls sneak drugs in. They do some pretty hard time in the Massachusetts big house. Also, the issue of canine incarceration rape (CIR) is seldom discussed outside of veterinary mental health circles. It's sad, I know, but do I really want a pet with substance abuse and sexual issues? 

I love the rescue organizations, but even they're getting a bit steep these days. I think the cost of spa treatments for the rescuers is built into the requested donation. Plus, how do you know they don't have some latent, sleeper cell pit bull DNA waiting to emerge and bite you in the arse? What if the Beautiful Rhodesian Ridgeback rescue dog that you've paid 500 bucks for is really the Manchurian Candidate that's been trained to eat toddlers whenever he sees the queen of hearts?

I guess I'll just keep my eyes peeled for now.


*mary* said...

As beautiful as those dogs are I would choose on with less, um, homozygosity(?). A good utt will hopefully show up at the pound soon for you.

I like the little miniature Siberian Huskies, but they are bound to be afflicted with similar breeding problems.

*mary* said...

*mutt, that is. Not "utt." Oops.

Debby said...

Not all pit bulls are toddler eating machines, but you'd always wonder whether you picked the right one. Our dog is a mutt. I rescued him myself (avoiding the middle man and her spa treatments). Unfortunately, he did kill our cat. It was an accident, I think. But I digress. I'd be a little careful about aggravating a cat who, despite the lack of opposible thumbs, is building 'nucular' weapons in the basement. Perhaps you should not provoke the kitty. Just a thought.

troutbirder said...

Oh my! I've never run across such a whimsical blog before. What a hoot. I do have a non pedigree GSD. German Shedding Dog according to Mrs. Troutbirder.

CDB said...

I LOVE Rhodesian ridgebacks, gorgeous.. and I'd be really impressed if you could find one to rescue. As I read this post I had the mantra, "Don't Do It! Don't Do It!" echoing in my head. But I have a better thought:

I have TWO GORGEOUS Lab mixes that are VERY well trained. Sarcastic 5-yr olds. You can HAVE 'EM.

Paige Pendleton said...

Hey - We have had so many dogs - including a great pit bull who was a baby and SO smart.....but we have two awesome dogs now - and I think we will stick with this breed. We have two cockapoos. They are the size of cockers - not too small not too large - LOVE KIDS (any kids, not just their kids) - really really smart (poodle) and, the best part is that they don't shed. They also don't tend to get genetic disorders. They adapt to any lifestyle - urban or rural. They are awesome, and also really realy cute.

Blicky Kitty said...

:) Mary, I'll keep scanning petfinder I guess. :)

I know Debby, I've probably biased against pit bulls and could you rent out your cat eating dog maybe? (don't tell Blick)

Thanks for stopping by troutbirder!

CDB :) I love labs. We always had lab or retriever mixes growing up.

Hey Paige! I actually have grown to like little ones and the younger moppet adores one at the wine store. Not saying I go to the wine store much.... of course! I just remember Pewter and Jingles.

MuseSwings said...

Our Humane Society also has pit bull mix as the main offering - when the mix is pitbull/lab they're sooo confused. They don't know whether to bite your head off or be your best friend. They'll decide after they eat the cat.
BTW - Laya owns a Coach collar - don't tell Lucy - she'll be wanting one too. I like the Hapsburg comparison. I always thought they employed really bad artists until I read about the gene pool issues. I may incite riots with my pit bull talk - but an awful lot of toddlers have become snack food around here.

Blicky Kitty said...

:) Pit bulls think
toddler+cats=Cheezits family box