Thursday, July 23, 2009

Heeeere's Blicky!

Wow that's scary. Sorry and my apologies to Jack Nicholson. Let me salve your nerves with an image from MFA Boston's show Titian, Tintoretto, Veronese; Rivals in Renaissance Venice.

There, that's better. Even Venus looks frightened. Blicky scared her so much her clothes fell off. My apologies for the extended silence, gentle bloggy readers. I was really quite busy:

A. Translating the phonebook into Esperanto.
B. Building a love nest/covert missile testing range for Kim Jong-Il.
C. Building a cool pillow fort in the living room.
D. Starting a new business enterprise in the burgeoning field of door-to-door interpretive dance.
E. Altering my address and facial feastures to avoid being stalked by Mitt Romney (I told you. It could never work. Stop calling me!).
F. All of the above.

So I try to make good use of my limited reading time these days, really I do. Usually it's historical non-fiction or really amazing fiction. I mean life is short, why not fill your mind with beautiful words?

But this summer a friend convinced me to read the Twilight series. First of all thanks a lot. You know who you are. Here's an excerpt of dialogue from the Blicky homestead while I was sucked into that series.
Kittens: Mumma we're hungry. You forgot to feed us breakfast and lunch.
Me: Shhhh, Bella's talking to Edward.
Kittens: Mumma, you left us outside in the rain. We're cold and wet.
Me: Be quiet! I think he's going to tell her.
Husband: Hi Sweetie! I'm home. I vacuumed the house and I love you.
Me: Go away, you not-Edward-Cullan-mortal man. I want a divorce because you're not Edward.

Cigarettes have warning labels, alcohol has warning labels. I think the publisher should be required to place a warning label on the Twilight books too. They are the literary equivalent of crack cocaine and something needs to be done.

I was initially ashamed of my habit until I remembered a very brilliant and well-read friend scoffing as the idea of a distinction between "high art" and the trashy read. What makes the distinction? I read some Chaucer's Canterbury Tales to the kittens a while back because I remember thinking it was hysterically funny when I was little. Here's a spoiler plot summary of the Miller's Tale:

Young guy moves into an apartment at the home of an unpleasant man with a hot younger wife. Young clerk woos and seduces said wife. Nerdy guy also gets wicked crush on the hot wife. The wife and the young man hatch a plan to spend the whole night together. They convince the jealous old guy that a second deluge is coming and that he should get set up in the attic for a great flood. Clever couple enjoys some amorous sport. Lovesick nerd comes by and begs for a kiss. Hot wife sticks bum out the window. Lovesick nerd, after kissing bum is no longer lovesick, but ticked off. Stalks off to find a hot poker. Clever young clerk thinks nerd wants another kiss and received a sound branding on his bum. Clever young guy has hot young wife but sore bum. Jealous old guy wakes up thinking it's the end of the world and falls two stories. The young couple convince everyone he's nutty and live happily (albeit sorely) ever after.

So is it really so awful that I got sucked into a romance about vampires, power, love and death and metaphysics?

Enjoy your mandatory fun:

15 comments:

*mary* said...

Aaaaaah. I got the Blicky fix I've been jonesing for! Yay!

Fishbowl said...

Yay, you're back!! I'm so glad...I was just looking at your blog TODAY wondering which cat had your tongue...you're still super funny, D is my favorite.

Debby said...

Welcome back! I missed you like a migraine! Just say no to drugs because trashy books are a legal way to rot your brain. Go for it!

Blicky Kitty said...

Thanks guys! It's fun to be back online. Hopefully I've amassed some fun things to blog about.

Dorkys Ramos said...

First off, thanks so much for the quick Italian practice!!

Now as I was reading your funny post here's what I thought:

1) Man, another one bit the dust. I still stand strong against falling for this series. I refuse to commit!

2) Ha! I remember reading The Canterbury Tales in high school and thinking those characters were so freakin bizarre.

3) Yes! I love A-Punk even though it's a bittersweet song for me.

Blicky Kitty said...

Grazie bella. Fammi sapere se hai qualche domanda in italiano!

Michelle said...

Oh---I'm so glad that you're back!!!

I know all too well about getting sucked into a good book...or twelve!

Cheers!

Ronda's Rants said...

My daughter and everyone under the sun has read this series...I haven't yet. She felt as you did though...the entire time...it was like time stood still for her...and we all watched! :)

steviewren said...

I succumbed to this poorly written, but oddly mesmerizing hot vampire teenage love story as well....and read them as fast as I could.

Glad to see you online again.

unfinishedrambler said...

Was wondering where you were and was about to ditch you from the Reader, but glad you are back to be read...even if you are reading completely decadent and devoid of meaning pulp fiction like Twilight. ;)

Jeanne said...

You're back! You're back!

(And thanks for the heads-up. I know I'll get sucked in eventually, but maybe this warning will help me resist a while longer.)

Tracy Griffin - Artist said...

Hi Blicky! Thank you for your insightful comments on my little bloggy. I think you're right - if I had a huge audience I'd freak out a bit. And, I LOVE the Blickster as Johnny from The Shining! One of my favorite movies of ALL time!

Love to ya!

Margo said...

as mother of two teenage girls, I got sucked into the whole guilty pleasure of the Twilight series last summer. I thought if I read a description of one more vampire being as "gorgeous as a supermodel", I was going to start biting the heads off of small animals myself... at the same time, I couldn't stop reading the entire series... then had to fake my way through book club on the book I didn't read - sounds like a great show - great to see you back!

Nanny Goats In Panties said...

Heyyyy, your back!!!! Man I missed you! I read the first Twilight book and didn't get sucked in like everyone else. However, I have since developed a bad crack habit. I wonder why that is.

Anonymous said...

Just found your website. I feel so much better. I'm not the only Twilight fan who's headed for the twilight years. I read all 4 books in about 5 days and I am driving my 17 year-old daughter crazy with quotes from the books that I keep interspersing in my everday conversation. As a fair-skinned redhead who went through life hating the fact that I didn't tan, why wouldn't I love a book that makes pale cool?