Friday, May 1, 2009

A Letter to the Second-Grade Class in Room 28


Dear Children,

I had a wonderful time volunteering in your class today and playing math games. I've heard about each one of you from my daughter of course, so it was fun to finally meet you in person.

I just wanted to pass along a few observations that you might find valuable as you embark upon your educational careers. First off all C.J. ― Dude! Who cheats at Bingo? Next time I tell you to hand me the bingo number balls it doesn't mean "Drop to the floor and make me pry them out of your hands while you giggle like a little girl."

Jackson, you were so helpful and nice today and I know I'm totally rocking age 40 but sweetie, I'm already married to a nice man my own age. Oh, and spit balls on your Bingo board does not a Bingo make.

Kids, I'm also going to clue you in on something important. When you're walking down the hall and your teacher says in a grave and reverent tone, "Listen. Think about where you are. This is the Third Grade Corridor. And these Teachers are going to be your Teachers next year in the Third Grade. Do you really want them to hear you being noisy?" OK C.J. I don't know, but I'm guessing you might not have to worry about the third grade for a little while. But for the rest of you kids listen up:

The third grade teachers do not hide behind the doors, peek out and make notes about which second graders are the noisy ones and plan horrible fates for them.

In fact, a lot of us grown ups don't really care if you talk too much or act like kids. I know your teachers hate it, but hell, you guys are funny! They need to lighten up. Also we don't really care all that much how you do in school. You know when you go to the dentist they always think you should spend the whole day brushing your teeth and you go to the hairdresser and they're all "Come on, deep-condition your hair." And you go to the doctors are they're all, "You should cut down on doing crack and eating lead paint." Well teachers are the same way and they make your mommies and daddies feel bad if you're acting like kids instead of kissing up (and yes you know who I'm talking about, Little Jenny. No one likes a kiss-up).

When you're a grown up you won't remember a single thing about how you did in second grade, except you'll remember which teachers really didn't like kids all that much. You know deep down, most of us grown ups don't really even care too much where you go to school as long as you're trying your hardest, you continue learning and being curious and you're happy doing what you do. Looking back on second grade you won't think, "Crap, I should've performed better on those standardized tests, thereby helping my school system acquire better state funding." OK, you might have the occasional dream about a test you didn't study for or coming to school naked (especially you, Jackson). But probably you'll think "Wow, I wish I had gotten the chance to run through the halls and jump to see how high I could reach on the bulletin boards."

I'll try and work on the teachers, but for next time guys, let's keep the Bingo game on the up and up.

Oh, and Michael honey? I think we as a species would have been born with only two fingers if they were meant to spend so much time inserted into our nostrils.

Sincerely,

Mrs. __________

27 comments:

c'est Moi! the tink-n-frog said...

As usual you've made me chuckle.

*mary* said...

Ahhh, school. Do I REALLY want to do that to my baby? But then again, do I REALLY want the alternative? It's a tough choice. I guess I have a year to figure it out. (Unless they've lowered the age for school even morewithout notice, and in that case- at two she's probably way behind already. Oops.)

Roshni Mitra Chintalapati said...

Bingo!! I mean, you said it!!

Debby said...

I remember second grade. Does the paste still smell like the paste we used back then, Blick? And do the swings still make the same 'screee....screee' 'scree....scree' as you swing back and forth. I know they don't use xerox machines any more. Anybody remember the smell of warm xeroxed papers? And my teacher always wore a dress. We played bingo too. And 'button, button who's got the button' in the same gazebo that stood when my father went to school there. And four square with a big rubber ball. Oh. I remember second grade...

Yaya said...

I was totally that kiss up!

unfinishedrambler said...

One, that was cruel to C.J., I thought. I hope his mother doesn't read this. ;) Two, crack and eating lead paint are bad. Good points to reinforce. Three, on a semi-serious note, standardized tests suck. As a newspaper correspondent who attends our local school board meetings, the board and administration are always complaining about how teachers are testing students more than they actually are teaching them. Now our great commonwealth of Pennsylvania has another great idea: another series of tests to make sure they're competent enough to graduate. The question is will they be competent enough to do anything?

The Self-Deprechaun said...

I was Michael! and I still am. Always digging for gold!

Blicky Kitty said...

Thanks Tink-n-Frog :) Mary save her while you still can. Especially if she's not already reading.

Roshni, I trust that you didn't cheat when you yelled "bingo" Let's read through those numbers...

I loved second grade too Debby :)

Yaya I think I was one part kiss-up and one part class clown back then. I vaguely remember painting the school toilets on the inside with green paint.

URambler I think we're going to have a whole generation who is awesome at test taking.

I like that optimism Self Deprechaun. Keep reaching for the stars and mining for that gold!

Ann's Rants said...

This is hilarious. And children, prepare yourselves. When you go back to visit your Elementary School one day, the toilets will seem miniscule.

YOU are omgskinnypretty. ;)

Thanks for your kind words. Can't wait for your Vlaaahhhhg.

Mary@Holy Mackerel said...

I was always the brown-noser, never could do any wrong...ahh, how times change.

Good post!

Nikki said...

I love your imagination! Priceless!

CDB said...

Awesome sentiments. We could apply this philosophy to nearly everything in life, eh?

Poor C.J. I was totally laughing at his expense. Maybe he (his parents) won't read your blog.(:

Amy@Bitchin'WivesClub said...

I try and remember that. I really do. But oh my gosh it is so hard to keep this in perspective when your 2nd grader is not testing well and getting crap grades!

I can live with it, though, as long as he doesn't CHEAT. ;-)

And, I have a little award for you over at my place.... come and see.

Elizabeth said...

Love it! I'm LOL!

Nanny Goats In Panties said...

I heard this thing on a science podcast where some man did an experiment on 4-year-olds with Oreo cookies and concluded that you could determine how a person would do in life based on his behavior around this Oreo cookie (it was a delayed-gratification experiment). He has kept tabs on them for over 40 years so far, and his tests were a fairly accurate indicator.

Not that your bingo game was the same thing, but your post reminded me of this experiment and I don't come here to read about you, I come here to talk about me.

;)

Savvy said...

Great post :) I love your take on the kids (I teach jh)

:)
Cat

*mary* said...

Blicky- where are yooouuuu?

MuseSwings said...

Party time! Come on over!

Lavinia said...

This is really funny...thank you for posting!

Margo said...

I loved second/third grade as much as I've loved anytime in my life. I also loved those ages for my children. In heaven, I want us all to be in the third grade together. Now 13 and 16, many days I'm pretty sure my lovely 2/3rd grade daughters have been abducted by cranky aliens. I'm hopeful they will be returned someday.

Ragamuffin Gal said...

I have been away too long ~ I just had to pick myself up from laughing so hard that I rolled under my desk! You nailed it! I know I am only a lowly first grade teacher but I am marveling at how well you got it! Way to go!

Amy said...

You are so hilarious! The sad thing is, as soon as I add you to my blog list, you stop posting. Should I take that as a personal hint? (I am just kidding). I love your insight and advice to those kids, and I bet they had a blast with you there.

Jeanne said...

Blicky, where are you? I keep checking my blogroll for updates, but nothing. You okay?

Debby said...

Blicky Kitty, where ARE you? I've got this uneasy feeling that you've headed for North Korea to join forces with another world ruler wannabe.

A Cuban In London said...

Lovely post and so full of witty remarks. Yes, if you're a Year 2 student and a Year 3 teacher is walking past, shush, he/she might be in your classroom next term.

Greetings from London.

LarryG said...

Ruby Isom was my second grade teacher and she loved us all. Everyone in her class was eternally thankful they didn't get the hateful Ms Cox! :)

I remember lots about 2nd grade... maybe because it's the last one I completed ! :)

Tellie said...

haha, sounds like you had an interesting experience with the class. I remember 2nd grade. I was an awful, sneaky student.