Friday, November 28, 2008

Seattle For the Culturally Sensitive Traveler

Well, I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving. We just disembarked in Boston this evening. Here's a picture of the event because it's about time I realized that you, gentle readers, need to see my actual visage (I know, my milkshake brings all the boys to the yard).
Before I share my groundbreaking cultural observations about Seattle, I wanted to briefly impart some techniques for surviving the 6 hour flight with a 3 and 7 yr. old without the benefit of the cartoon network that features 24 hour feed of sea creatures with athletic, prominently-veined eyeballs and commercials peddling products designed to turn little girls into Slutz and little boys into thugs. Unfortunately, this technique requires a black felt pen and opposable thumbs, but luckily I got a little help from Blicky. Oh, and also my Awesome-Rock-Star-of-a-Sister manages to get cooler and more awesome every time I see her, which is perplexing because she pretty much ruled the world when I used to sneak in her room and steal her Bonnie Bell soda-flavored lip gloss.

I really feel like my knowledge and experience of Seattle is so vast now that I know it better than most residents. In fact, if you live in Seattle and have any questions feel free to email. The first surprising fact is that they don't all sit around and talk about the rain all day, and if you repeatedly refer to their meteorological challenges (So, how about this rain? Hey, don't overdose on vitamin D out there! What did the swarthy REI-clad raindrop say to the cute, socially conscious female raindrop? I'm falling for you! Hey how's your Seasonal Affective Disorder doing? You're all 'Whoa! Look at me, I'm so depressed!' Seriously, we should really call for help. I'll dial 1-206-WHOA-ITS-WICKED-RAINY) they don't clap and pronounce you the most culturally sensitive visitor ever. In fact they seem to just avert their eyes and shoot glares at the person who invited you. The other interesting fact is that even footwear in Seattle is apparently expected to be functional and English riding boots do not impress anyone as outdoorsy. 

Now, on a professional note: I was lucky enough to document for the first time, some real native Seattle-ites of Medieval European origins in their indigenous surroundings. I have already been contacted by the National Anthropological Archives at the Smithsonian, but remember you saw them here first. Below, we see a sword battle in a local park that still contains some true indigenous Euro-Seattletonians (as one should say in culturally sensitive circles). They were quite bloodthirsty by the looks of them, so we just tried not to make any sudden movements and hid our young. 
That whole Microsoft/Boeing thing must be a myth too because their technology was quite crude. Their weapons were held together with duct tape (which of course finds it's origins in European Medieval heraldic tradition) and I believe that's a garbage can cover in the battle below. They must be privy to some amazing forms of traditional healing because we observed that after a vigorous sword battle where several of them are slain and the victors skulk away furtively, they are inexplicably resuscitated and fully able to return to their habitat in a mysterious region of Seattle called Parentsbasement.


MuseSwings said...

I'm so pleased to see your arrival in Boston was as grand as is befitting your stature. Thank you for your insight on Seattleian culture. I don't expect to ever go there voluntarily (because of the rain). If I do, how far from the swordfighter guys to the nearest Starbucks?
I effectively entranced children with little hand drawings too. Now I just amuse the Mr. with them - to keep his mind in tune with reality.

Poetikat said...

Busy Saturday - I'll be back later, BK to read and comment. Thanks for the W.B.Y!


*mary* said...

Wow, I thought those kids (and someimes thirty-somethings) with duct-taped swords and garbage can shields only battled at the park near my house! They've gone national!

steviewren said...

Thanks for the giggle, which I needed to release me from grayrainysunlessday affective disorder. I am currently suffering from the above disorder due to Seattletonian type weather which followed you back east.

Brita Graham said...

Parentsbasement! LOL!

Blicky Kitty said...

Yes Muse I recommend antidepressants if you go in case they don't laugh at your rain jokes.

Thanks for swinging by Kat!

Whoa you have em too Mary? We should combine our research and get an NEH grant.

Crap Stevie I thought that storm cloud only followed me to MA. We had hail here today.

Hi Brita! I flew over your house on the way back. You know, you shouldn't be swiping your neighbor's newspaper.

IB said...

I love the blog!

Yes, yes, yes, and yes; the rain sucks. We all know it and we all hate it but, we pretend it doesn't bother us. If my wife's family wasn't here, I'd be out faster than mud slides down Magnolia Bluff in January (insider geographical reference).


Blicky Kitty said...

Thanks IB! I'll have fun reading your blog as well. Please keep on the lookout for these people if you're out walking and let me know if you have any questions about Seattle. You might not be able to find your way to Top Pot for doughnuts on a really rainy sunday, but I can teach you a well lit back route.