Monday, September 29, 2008

Preparations on the Blicky Homestead for Horrific Financial Chaos and the Destruction of Life as We Know It.

No doubt some were shocked and caught unawares by the news emanating from Wall Street this afternoon. I for one was prepared. We have been studying about subsistence living techniques this whole year and here are our recommendations:
  • Start building a Hooverville in your backyard now because all your neighbors who drive Hummers and live in McMansions will be hobos soon.
  • Start an organic garden like we did and by next year you too might have two zucchinis and a handful of cherry tomatoes to get you through the winter (or to feed to the hobos).
  • Don't throw away those old socks! The thread can be reused as a holder for your iPhone. In a pinch you can also boil them for two days and mix it with lard to feed the kids.
  • Learn how to forage! A nourishing meal is as easy to find as a golden parachute on Wall Street if you just know where to look. Perhaps there is a blackberry bush in the woods behind your house. Maybe your neighbor stepped out and left a pie cooling on the window sill. Some mushrooms are very nutritious and others will kill you in minutes.
  • Think of ways to earn extra money. Maybe your seven-year-old can pass for at least eleven and the day laborers down the road don't split hairs. Good with numbers? Maybe you could get a job counting the money filling the swimming pools of corporate executives.


MuseSwings said...

I am so encouraged by your suggestions. I was just sitting here watching my 401K make slurping noises and became paralyzed with nervous exhaustion. I will take stock of my pantry and my socks drawer and see if I can get SS#s for my dogs so maybe they can work. Maybe I'll have a lemonade stand - but it will have to be orange juice because I have an orange tree but no lemons. The oranges won't be ripe until December. I'm paralyzed again.

Blicky Kitty said...

Perhaps we should all add smelling salts to our list of things to stock up on. Maybe you can teach your dogs to forage in the neighbor's kitchen. I might need to barter some oranges for stunted MA zucchini so we don't get gout.

Poetikat said...

You are an as-yet (or perhaps I'm wrong) undiscovered stand-up comedienne. Right? This made me (God I hate that LOL - so over used!)
The hobos can live in their Hummers, don't you think?

I can't believe you only got 2 zucchinis. Don't they populate like Body-snatcher pods?

Personally, I'm unravelling all my husband's sweaters and re-knitting them to make socks (we're in Canada, after all!)

I look forward to more wisdom from you. You are now at the top of my humour blogs list - alongside Cake Wrecks. Gawd! Have you seen that? Hilarious!


Blicky Kitty said...

Oooo thanks Poetikat! **You made my day.** I'd been starting to feel like this blog racket was too solitary for my liking lately. I'm dedicating my next post to you with our shared nostalgia for the 70's -- its party lines, marathon bars and plaid toughskins.

I think it actually is a skill to be able to kill zucchini as effectively as I have this summer. We had a prodigious offering early on then we were seized by a particularly pernicious powdery mildew.

Canada! Please keep your eyes peeled for real estate for my clowder -- just in case.

Poetikat said...

I have no idea what a "clowder" is, but I will keep my eye peeled.

I'm going to read your 70s post now - I see that wunderkouple D&M (I had "Paper Roses" on '45!!!


Blicky Kitty said...

A clowder is an old, venereal (hunting, not the clap) term for a group of cats. These terms are so amazing and colorful. A fun read for any lover of the English language -- An Exaltation of Larks -- gives some wonderful examples. It might make a fun post.